


Stranger Danger

by AwkwardPatotee



Series: Azure Boy [1]
Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Character comatose, Comatose Dean, Dean - Freeform, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Imagine, Destiel Roadtrip, Fluff, Its not good, Lots of it, M/M, Mary Winchester - Freeform, Roadtrip, SPN - Freeform, SPN Imagine, Sadness, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Smut, Supernatural - Freeform, Winchester - Freeform, and crying, because a buttload of it is coming, cas, castiel - Freeform, if you dont like angst, imagine, otp, otp fluff, seriously stay away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-07-10 13:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6987352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwkwardPatotee/pseuds/AwkwardPatotee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is going on a roadtrip across the United States. First the thought was on doing it alone but when he met Castiel at a small 'Gas'n'Sip' he couldn't say no to some companionship.<br/>On this trip Dean slowly finds himself again and with the help of Castiel he builds up his lost bond to his brother, who he haven't seen in over a year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cali, here I come...

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is the first time I'm doing a fanfic with multiple chapters... YAY!! :D  
> I just wanted to let you know, that I'm not living in a country that's speaking english, so if there's anything spelled wrong or said weird, let me know and I'll fix it :)) 
> 
> Please, don't be too harsh on me guys as I've put a lot of effort in to this :3 
> 
> And please enjoy!

”Hey, Dean!” Carl walked in to the office without knocking, and therefore resulting in a minor jump scare from Dean. Dean stood hunched over a big bag filled with clothes looking somewhat irritated at Carl. “Please, come in Carl” he said sarcastically. Carl snorted and positioned himself in the chair across Dean’s big desk. 

“What’s up with the bag? Wife threw you out?” He asked just as sarcastically, making Dean fake a laugh. 

“As I recall I don’t have a wife” he zipped the bag with a tired sigh before he dumped himself lazily in his chair. “I’m going to California,” he explained to make Carl’s confused expression go away. However, the stupid, non-understanding expression Carl pulled did not go away. In fact, he made it more obvious that he didn’t got a thing of what came out of Dean’s mouth. Dean sighed again.

“My brother asked me to come and celebrate Christmas with him and his girlfriend” Carl made an ‘Ohhh’ sound and rolled his eyes.

“Family huh?” Dean rolled his eyes too. 

“Yup. And bad timing as well” He really didn’t feel like driving all the way to the other side of the states just to celebrate Christmas, but he hadn’t seen Sam in over a year so maybe he owed it to the kid. Dean wished that he could just take all his work with him on the road or some kind like that but that would be impossible since he would have to fit fifteen clients into the Impala. 

“When’re you leaving?” Carl asked glancing at the bag beside Dean’s desk one more time. Dean took a big sip of the glass of whiskey standing next to his laptop before he answered.

“After work” Carl made big eyes. 

“Today?” he asked. Dean nodded, took another sip and then sighed once again. Four days of being all alone on the road starred him right in the face and he really didn’t felt like it. Besides he had ton of work he could’ve done instead, but no, of course this was the time of the year Sammy needed to see him. Ugh. 

And yes, Dean knew that as a brother is was obligatory to go and say hi to your little brothers new girlfriend, but couldn’t they visit him in New York. Why was it his job to drive that long way just to say hi? When Sam called him and asked if he wanted to come and maybe stay a few days over Christmas his first reaction was to decline. But then Sam had to pull the little brother card and ‘how we never talk anymore’ card and Dean started feeling guilty. Even though, he had nothing to feel guilty about. 

“Well, I just came to give you these” Carl threw a bunch of files at Dean’s desk, waking him up from his little daydream. “Have a nice trip to the other side,” Carl said jokingly before he left the office – of course with the door open to irritate Dean even more. 

Dean got up to close the door and his thoughts started to wander again. If only he had an excuse to stay home. Maybe if he told Sam that he had so much work to do that he couldn’t leave, or he could fake a sickness. Nah, it didn’t feel right. Even though Dean really didn’t wanted to go he also didn’t felt like lying to his brother. 

So when the clock on his computer said ‘4 pm’ he closed his computer and took his bag over the shoulder. He locked his door behind him and took a final sigh before he took the elevator down to the company’s parking lot. He loved the Impala but the thought of sitting down for four days was not something he liked and when he finally sat behind the steering wheel, he realized that maybe he shouldn’t have worn a suit today.

He came to the conclusion that he needed to find a place where he could change his clothes before he got out of town. However, since it would be weird for a man in his late-twenties to just walk in to a store with a bag to change clothes he only had the option to rent a motel room and change there, which as well wasn’t such an attractive option.  
“Guess no changing then” he mumbled to himself before he started the engine, making it roar like a bear. “You ready for this Baby?” 

 

Okay, Dean knew that the ride would be long but not this long. He hadn’t even left town before he was done with this whole thing. To be honest, he just wanted to go home and sleep. In his own bed in his own house. Guess that was a little too late now. He had an old map on paper where he had drawn the shortest possible route with a red sharpie to make sure he wouldn’t lose one minute. He had also planned that if he drove every day for eighteen hours he would be there in a little less than four days. He couldn’t wait.  
When it was finally past bedtime, he had actually almost made it to Pennsylvania. He was quick to find a motel where he could crash for the night and thank God, the bathroom was actually not that gross. 

Dean used to be on the road with his dad all the time when he was younger, but then school and many other factums made it that he never had the chance to do it again. Still, he could never forget how horrible shapes some of the bathrooms had been in. Sometimes he peed in the sink because the toilet made him want to vomit.  
He got changed in to his pajama and with the desire to get this over with as fast as possible he fell asleep.

 


	2. Stranger Danger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha, I know I said I would update a chapter everyday but since I'm already ahead with a lot of the chapters, I thought; why not post another one today? :D
> 
> Let me know what you think!

Dean woke up the next morning with a back sore from the hard bed he’d been laying on. He was a little confused about where he was but as soon as he saw the weird stains at the furniture and the creepy smell of alcohol and smoke hit him, he knew exactly where he was. “Ugh, man” he mumbled to himself as he got out of bed. He made the bed and changed in to some jeans and a T-shirt with a plaid shirt over. 

He emptied the small fridge under the sink before he returned the key and hit the road. He hid the alcohol for later but the small bags of chips that was supposed to be snacks became his breakfast. He really didn’t feel like stopping at all which was the reason to why this was his breakfast. 

The music blasted from the speakers and Dean was sure that the cars passing by easily could hear it too. Nevertheless, he didn’t mind. He liked his taste in music. But, even though the music was at full volume he almost admitted that it was lonely. He almost thought that the drive wouldn’t be that long if he had companionship, but as soon as the thought crossed his mind, he threw it out as quickly.

He felt like if he drove all day he might be able to get all the way to Ohio, but that plan was quickly ruined when he realized that the Impala needed more fuel. With this realization, he also came to the conclusion that he also needed some fuel. So at the first Gas’n’Sip sign he saw he turned away from the main road. It was a small shop but it looked like it had all he needed. 

He stopped the car and was fast to fill it with gas before he checked up on himself. If he wanted to make this trip as fast as a possible, he should just buy a whole lot of stuff now because then he wouldn’t have to stop as often. Therefore, this was what he did. He entered the shop and as the first thing, he filled his arms with whatever he might need at some point on his road trip. He knew that the cashier was sending him weird looks as well as the guy looking at magazines next to the counter. Luckily, he failed to care as he shoved even more in to his embrace. 

With a proud smirk of all the things he had found, he placed it all on the counter. The cashier smiled but he could still sense the curiosity as to why he needed that many things.   
“You’re probably wondering if I got a hostage in my car or something,” the cashier giggled a little before she started checking all the items in.   
“Well, I can assure you that I’m just a hungry man” Dean finished, well aware of his charming voice. He hated when people looked at him weird, so of course he had some tricks up his sleeve on how to avoid those situations. 

“Well, I hope you’re not going to eat all this in one sitting” the cashier answered with a high and innocent voice while still checking items in.   
“Oh don’t worry. These should hopefully last all the way to California” he did expect that surprised look that he received from the cashier but he didn’t expect the strange guy to interrupt their flirting. 

“I’m sorry but did you say that you were going to California?” he asked. Dean took a small step back while eyeing the guy. He looked kind of small but his biceps still filled out his jacket, which made him look more ripped. He had dark brown hair, which made his blue eyes pop even more. 

“Yeah” Dean answered a little cold. He pulled his credit card up from his wallet when all the items were scanned and ready to be packed. The strange guy kept looking at Dean while he typed his code to his card, making Dean a little more uncomfortable with the situation. The cashier wished Dean a good day when he were about to leave but as soon as Dean tried to pick up all his stuff the guy took one more step towards him. 

“Do you think you could give me a ride?” the guy asked, sounding a little too desperate. Dean looked shocked at him. This was unexpected. 

“No” he blurted out. Again, he sounded a little too cold but this was getting weird. The stranger looked at him with pleading eyes. 

“I’m begging you. I need to be in California as soon as possible” his face crinkled up in an expression of pure desperation and Dean got even more scared. 

“Look mister. Why don’t you take the bus or something? I hear there’s a straight line from Harrisburg” Dean knew that it was far too long away for the man to even get to that town but Dean really didn’t feel like letting a stranger sit in Baby. 

“Look, I will pay for my own food, drink and etcetera. If we stop by at motels, I’ll also pay for my room. If you want, I can give some extra for the gas. It’s just that the bus I was on left without me and the next one is coming in two days, okay? I can’t stay here in two days” the man rambled. 

Dean could see his problem. In addition, it also seemed like the man was in a hurry. Besides, it would be a great deal for Dean. He wouldn’t waste money on this – actually he’d earn some which was always attractive to Dean. This was also, why he with a sigh nodded yes to the man’s offer. 

“Thank you so much Sir” the man exclaimed. 

“But just so we’re clear, there’s no smoking or drinking in the car and you pay for all you own things, okay?” Dean said as they walked out to the car. He had a really bad feeling about this. The man nodded eagerly. 

“And, if there’s as much as one stain on the seats when we’re in California, so help me God” again the stranger nodded in agreement and held his hands up in the air.  
“No smoking, drinking or ruining seats. Got it” 

The man threw his bag on the backseats before he climbed in to the front seat. Dean looked skeptically at him. The man was wearing a long trench coat with a ruffled suit underneath. He didn’t look like a man on a murderer spree but Dean still didn’t trust the guy. 

“By the way, my name’s Castiel,” the stranger said as he put the seatbelt on. 

“Dean” Dean introduced himself. What fun this would be he thought to himself. 

The first five minutes they drove in dead silence, but then Castiel started to get nervous. He tried to start a conversation but Dean was quite the party killer.

“So, why’re you going to California?” Castiel tried as an opener. 

“Visiting my brother,” Dean answered stone cold. 

“Like, for Christmas or...?” Castiel could feel his palms get sweaty when Dean didn’t really brought much to the conversation. 

In response, Dean nodded, getting quite tired of the stranger already. 

“Is your whole famil…- “ 

“Look, Cas… tiel?” Dean had struggle remembering his name. “No offense, but why not make this trip as comfortable as possible and not talk?” Castiel shut immediately being both hurt and offended by the strangers tone. He crossed his arms and looked out the window. From the corner of his eye, he could see Dean putting on some music, and even though the music started playing so loud, it actually hurt his ears he didn’t say a sound.


	3. Wakey wakey, why you shakey?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, next chapter's up - I'm really spoiling you guys huh? :P  
> I hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think :3

Castiel had been awake for some time now but it seemed like he was unable to get out of bed. The sun wasn’t up yet but he could still hear the birds outside the window which brought a small smile to his lips. He and Dean had reached the boarder to Ohio where they hit the motel around twelve AM. Dean had finally turned the music off when they started to hit the cities and Castiel was so grateful. He was beforehand really grateful that Dean actually said yes to Castiels offer, but he didn’t like how enraged Dean seemed to be for some reason.

Cas new that he almost begged Dean to let him come with him but if Dean was such against it why say yes? Castiel wondered but from the little interaction they had yesterday, he knew that he’d better not ask about it. 

The happy bird that was sitting outside his window singing once again interrupted his thoughts. His lips turned upwards into a little smile while he closed his eyes. He thought that maybe he had a few hours before Dean would get up – which, oddly enough was a nice thought. 

However, as Cas had just thought that thought, three loud throbs hit his door, resulting in Cas earning a jump scare and hitting the floor.

“Castiel? We’re leaving in ten!” Dean yelled from the other side of the door. Castiel moaned a non-understandable answer as he tried to check if his nose was broken. 

A couple minutes later Castiel exited his room with his bag over his shoulder while holding an ice bag to his nose. Dean’s brows wrinkled in a questioning expression.  
“What happened to your nose?” Dean asked.

Castiel sighed deeply before he answered. “I fell” he thought it was awkward enough that he fell so he had no intention of telling that it was Dean who send him to the ground. Dean nodded and formed an ‘oh’ with his mouth and then that conversation was over.

“We’re eating on the road. That way we’ll get to Cali quicker,” Dean explained as he pulled in to a fast food restaurant. Castiel wasn’t much for fast food but if it made Dean not-angry, then he didn’t care. He just didn’t want to sit through another eighteen hours of music on full blast. 

They both quickly got their breakfast and as they had agreed the day before they both paid for their own meal. 

When they hit the road, the silence started filling the air between them. Castiel had never been great with silence and he just needed to talk about anything. Unfortunately, he never found a subject they could talk about. 

Just as he was planning to maybe take a nap, a message popped in on his phone. He looked wondering at the name popping up. Why would Michael suddenly want to talk with him? Curiously, he unlocked his phone to see what his older brother wanted.

“Hey brother, I hear that you are going to California. Is that true?” said the message. Cas was quick to type a reply.

“Yes Michael, I am. May I ask why you’re concerned about that?” 

Instead of giving an answer, Michael chose to ask another question.

“Is it to help Luke?” 

Castiel sighed. He knew that his brother certainly weren’t concerned about either of his brothers so why even ask. 

“Yes. He’s asked me to get him a lawyer – I thought I’d come and take a look at the situation” Castiel, responded quickly. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Dean actually kind of looked curious as to who Castiel was texting. 

“Okay, good. I thought I would help but if you got this then it’s fine” Castiel rolled his eyes at his older brother. _Always trying to look like the hero_. He thought. 

Once again, Castiel caught Dean peeping. “It’s my brother” he tried to explain. He held his phone up in an awkward movement. “He’s worried about my other brother” He didn’t even know why he tried to explain as Dean would probably tell him to shut up again. But, Dean said nothing. 

Dean had gotten his curiosity lit but he didn’t know if he should buy into it. “Something’s happened?” he ended up asking, earning a small victory smile from Castiel. 

“My brother’s in jail which is actually the reason I’m going to California” Castiel started explaining. Promptly he got a confused expression from Dean and he debated on whether he should keep going or not. He decided on the first. “And my elder brother just asked if he could help with anything… As if he’d really do that” Castiel shrugged and looked back out of the window so he didn’t saw Dean’s reaction. He didn’t want to know if he screwed up on this trip even more. 

“Can I ask why your brother’s in jail?” he heard Dean say shyly. Glad that Dean didn’t tell him to shut up he started talking again. 

“He got caught painting graffiti and when the police tried to catch him he fought back” Dean made a grimace telling that he knew that an action like that didn’t end well.  
Castiel shrugged. “It’s really all you can expect from Luke” 

Dean made a quiet ‘hmm’ sound and then the silence filled the car once again. But, this time it didn’t seem like the silence was crushing Castiel and he actually felt relieved that he had made an actual conversation with this stranger. 

Castiel laid his head against the window and this time without interruption, he fell asleep. 

Dean couldn’t believe that he actually let this stranger ride with him to California. Okay, it wasn’t that big of a deal but Dean sure as hell wasn’t feeling that safe about it. He’d always had trust issues and especially with strangers so just the thought of letting one in to his car was a big deal. 

But, even though he’d never admit it, there was something about this stranger that convinced Dean, that it was okay. He couldn’t quite point out what it was, but for some reason Dean just couldn’t imagine this man with a gun in his bag. 

Though, he had become a little more sceptic after Castiel told him about his brothers. Dean couldn’t entirely figure out what kind of person Castiel was and that was some sort of alarming, he thought. 

Dean drove some time in completely quietness and was actually enjoying it, even though he knew how much work that was piling up on his desk at this very moment.  
When the car started to signal that it needed more gas, Dean turned from the main road and found another Gas’n’Sip. 

Castiel woke up with an unattractive grunt that Dean almost laughed at. Luckily, he was almost out of the car, so Castiel didn’t notice. 

“Where are we?” Cas asked as he got out of the car too. “A little outside Mansfield” Dean replied.

Dean quickly turned to see what Castiel was doing as he heard a deep gasp. Castiel was looking at a big poster hanging on the wall of the store. It was an ad for an amusement park nearby. Dean looked at Castiel with one raised eyebrow. “You serious?” he asked. 

Castiels eyes shined with hope and once again, that pleading look came to his face. “You are serious,” Dean stated with a shock on his face.

“I’ve never been to such a place,” Castiel explained. “I promise we’ll only be there for half an hour – an hour tops” Dean was getting real tired of his shit. He crossed his arms.  
“You’ve never really been at an amusement park?” he asked in disbelief. Castiel nodded shyly. “Our dad wasn’t into that stuff,” he admitted. Dean could almost see the puppy face being brought to life and damn, it was almost not to withstand. 

“Okay, but on one condition” Dean almost felt like he repeated himself from the day before.  
“We get on the road as soon as it’s three, you hear me?”


	4. A Day On The Road

The next day they left the motel around six AM. Dean had set his alarm to start at five AM but in his sleep, he must’ve turned it off because he woke a few minutes to six and was more than confused. It ended up the previous day with Dean and Castiel to stay at the amusement park for about eight hours. Dean was more than pissed at Cas for keeping him there for so long but he also couldn’t be that mad at a face that lit up like a Christmas tree every time it saw a new attraction. 

However, this resulted in them getting to a town so late that there were no motels with free rooms. Therefore, they ended up driving around for about half an hour before they finally found a motel that would allow them to stay the night. Of course, they had to pay some extra just to get the crappiest rooms it seemed. This was also the explanation to Dean being in a bad mood from the start of the day.

He was now more than a half day late and had spent a hell of a lot of money in that damn park. He had been so stupid to buy a T-shirt to Sam and a stupid looking teddy bear for Jess. Besides, Cas’ mood the day before had been transferred to Dean, which was the course of him paying for both Cas and Deans meals.

Stupid.

Castiel had sensed Dean’s mood from the start of the day and had therefore chosen to keep a low profile throughout the day. Though, it seemed that Dean wasn’t entirely mad and Castiel had a small hope that they maybe could have a nice day. 

They drove in a couple of hours before Cas got impatient and just needed to do something. He took a glance at Dean who actually looked relaxed, even though he of course wasn’t smiling. Cas took a chance.

“So, what’s your deal?” he asked, trying to be as smooth as possible. Of course, he was as smooth as chunky peanut butter. Dean looked like Castiel had interrupted him in the middle of a daydream.

“My deal?” he asked surprised. Castiel nodded. 

“Eh… well, I don’t really know what to tell you… I’m pretty ordinary,” he said.

“I doubt that. There must be something you can tell me about yourself… What about your job?” Castiel was determined on getting Dean to open up a little. Castiel knew that Dean was pissed about the day before and how much time they ended up using at the amusement park, but he still wasn’t against making a conversation it seemed.

Dean shrugged. “I’m a marketing manager in a company working with corporate stocks. Really not that big of a deal” It didn’t surprise Cas. Dean had the look of someone important. He bet that Dean also lived in a big apartment in the heart of the Big Apple and only wore designer clothes to work. 

“What about you?” Dean asked. 

“Uhh… at the moment I’m unemployed” Castiel had the feeling of getting smaller and smaller beside Dean. He really didn't feel like talking about his job since it was nothing compared to Dean’s. But, Dean had to go there. 

“Can I ask why?” 

“I didn’t like my boss so I quit. But, that was before I found out that the company that was supposed to publish my book had declined” 

“You wrote a book?” Dean asked eagerly. Cas looked perplexed at him, not understanding where Dean’s smile came from.

“Yeah, but as I said it never got published” 

Dean asked what it was about and when Castiel said it was a fictional story, Dean couldn’t hide how impressed he felt. 

“I’ve got a younger brother who’s also very good at literature. But, currently he’s studying law school” Castiel could hear how Dean’s voice was filled with pride. 

“How old is he?” Cas asked – overly happy that they found a subject to talk about. 

“He’s turning twenty-one may the second” 

The two of them kept the conversation going. Mostly, they talked about their brothers when they realized that they both only had brothers. 

“Really, your little brother’s called Samandriel?” Dean asked, a smile creeping at the corner of his lips. Castiel nodded, also wearing a smile.

“What’s up with your names?” Dean pumped. Actually, Castiel didn’t know – all he knew was that his father decided what Cas and Samandriel should be called while his mother made the decision with Luke and Michael. 

“My dad was a bit of a mouthful sometimes” Castiel explained when he told Dean about his father and mothers way to find names. “He needed to be in control almost every hour of the day before he could be happy”

“Yeah, I hear ya. My dad wasn’t easy to come around too” Cas lifted an eyebrow in disbelief. He would’ve thought Dean was one of those kids that grew up in a perfect environment with two caring parents and a lovely little brother. “Actually, dad was the reason Sam left to Stanford in the first place” 

“So do you never talk to your parents anymore?” Cas requested, still trying to figure out what kind of person Dean was behind the face of that professional salesman.  
“Oh, dad’s dead but I still talk to my mom. What about you?” 

“Both my parents are dead, but it’s okay. I never really spoke with them anyway” Castiel answered Deans question. “Did Sam get the time to talk to your dad before he passed away?” 

Dean shook his head. He explained that Sam only talked to him or their mom, so when their dad passed they had never really had the chance to make it up to one another. Dean knew that Sam regretted it – Dean could see it in his eyes every time their dad became the subject of their talks – but he didn’t think it was an appropriate thing to tell Cas. 

They changed the subject to a lighter and funnier topic when they drove by a circus truck – it seemed – and they started bringing up childhood memories. 

That day Dean drove for eighteen hours as the goal was. But, he was sure that he would crash as soon as he saw a bed when he finally pulled in to a motel almost all the way through Illinois. Castiel fell asleep as the sun went down and Dean had been alone with his thoughts for about three hours when he finally woke his companion. 

In less than ten minutes, they both got a room, said goodnight to each other and went their separate ways for the night. “See ya at five AM” Dean said as the last thing before he closed his door behind him, leaving Cas to find his own room. 

Dean got in the shower and lazily washed the worst dirt off his body before he almost fell out of the shower and grabbed some clothes to put on. He chose to just sleep in a white T-shirt without pants since he really didn’t have the energy to put them on. 

His mind was already trailing off when he finally laid in bed. In the middle of all the pictures and memories of the day, a face popped up. Dean especially had his focus on those blue eyes and the wide smile, and even though he wouldn’t be able to remember anything about it the day after, he smiled a little to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, please don't hate me because of Castiel's relationship with his parents.  
> I know that in the real series God is alive and well, of course he's the only creator of Castiel, so really none of Cas' parents are dead but that wouldn't fit well in to this story... Please understand. (Also it's fiction - I can do what I want- heck, maybe next chapter Cas turns in to a bumblebee?) 
> 
> Thanks for reading and please let me know what you think so far ;)


	5. Lunch Fail

”Okay, if we drive fast enough we could be half way there by noon” Dean said pointing at the map he had drawn that red route on, which currently was placed in Castiels lap. With wrinkled brows, Cas looked closer at the route. 

“So we’re driving at road 164?” he asked. Just to be sure. Dean nodded.

“Hopefully” he smiled jokingly.

The two of them had had an easy morning; lots of talking and it was clear that the day before had helped a lot on their companionship. Maybe it was already starting to grow in to a friendship? Castiel didn’t dare to hope but the air around them had seemed to get a little thinner from the awkwardness.

“So... Since we’re almost half way there I thought we could celebrate with actually sitting down at a table and having lunch,” Dean suggested out of the blue, when they had been driving for a couple of hours. 

“That’d be nice” Cas admitted and thought about getting a chance to stretch his legs. 

They both agreed to follow a sign that popped up a about a mile after Dean’s suggestion. The roads they used became smaller and smaller and Dean started to doubt if he had followed the right road. 

Dean asked Castiel to pull his map back up from the glove compartment, since he had just put it away, and looked confused at the red line that went all the way from New York to California. 

“If we turned about here -” Cas said and pointed at a place just outside of Sullivan. “- Then we should be around this place” he established. Dean looked worryingly at the circle Castiel drew with his finger. 

“Is there a road 78 on the map?” he asked, as they drove past a sign, that told them that they currently was on road 78.

Cas looked closer at the map but with no luck. “It looks like there’s a small town north-west. Maybe we could find that and navigate us from there?” he asked, trying to help. Dean groaned.

“How are we gonna know where that is, if we don’t know where we are?” he asked with a voice full of despair. “I don’t know but it would be a start. Maybe we’ll find some more clues on where we are on the way there?” Castiel was also frustrated about how they had to get lost now that everything seemed to loosen up, but he didn’t get why Dean started to sound like this was the end of the world. 

“Cas, if we don’t even know where we are then how are we gonna find the main road? Look, we can’t use that map for anything if we don’t know which road we’re on” Dean stated, leaning back in his seat while his face captured a pessimistic mask. He exhaled a sharp breath while the silence filled the car once again. Castiel became quite irritated at Dean. It wasn’t Cas’ fault that they suddenly was in the middle of nowhere besides, Dean was supposed to act like an adult and be professional about this. After all, he was the one behind the steering wheel. 

“Dean, I don’t understand. You can’t possibly blame me for this,” Castiel said, looking out the window. He didn’t want Dean to get mad at him but he also didn’t feel like Dean had treated him with justice. Dean took a deep sigh before he responded.

“No, I don’t. Sorry I hounded at you” he said. It was a lame apology but, Cas could feel that Dean might could be one of those people having a hard time apologizing. Therefore, he nodded. “It’s okay. I just don’t understand…” He trailed off as he realized that what he was going to ask could be another reason for Dean to get mad. “Don’t understand what?” Dean asked, forcing Castiel to continue with his question. 

“I don’t understand why you’re in such a hurry. I mean, it’s your brother, I guess he wouldn’t mind if this trip took five instead of four days” Castiel started playing with his fingers in his lap not sure, if he should look up. 

“It’s not because of my brother. I know that he wouldn’t mind as long as I’m there for Christmas. It’s more about my work” Dean admitted looking defeated. Cas was shocked.

“You care more about your work than about your family?” he asked without hiding the surprise in his voice. 

“Well, yeah. Sammy won’t mind of I’m a little late but my work will keep piling up at my desk every second I’m spending here” Dean explained. 

“You don’t mean that” Castiel stated shocked. Of course, Dean didn’t mean that – who would ever talk about their family like that? But, Dean nodded seriously. 

“Yes, I do” 

“C’mon, yesterday you wouldn’t shut up about your little brother and today you couldn’t care less about him?” Cas asked startled. 

“No, no. That was when we were kids. Okay? When we were kids I couldn’t love that little son of a bitch more but, Now? Well, we haven’t talked in a little over a year” Dean didn’t sound sad or mad. Actually, every trace of feelings had left his voice while he starred monotone out at the road in front of them. 

“But why? What broke the connection? Don’t you miss him?” Castiel interrogated Dean while in his mind he tried to figure out how such a thing could happen. He knew that if he had had any great relationship with one of his elder brothers he most certainly would’ve kept it that way. He only had his little brother Samandriel to rely on, and he was the only brother Castiel could talk with but because of Samandriel being in graduate school, they never really had the chance to talk. 

“Why so many questions?” Dean seemed annoyed. “Look, we just don’t talk anymore okay? It’s none of your damn business” He stated, before Castiel saw him reach for the radio and once again put on music so loud that Castiel had a hard time concentrating on anything else than his ears feeling like bleeding. 

Around ten PM they hit a small town. They were both starving and had been on the road all day. Castiel was getting more and more sure of how he was going to die. The village looked like it had almost been empty for years. The streets were small and filled with holes, the buildings were old and the paint was slowly falling off. But, Dean and Castiel got their hopes up when they finally saw a window where light was streaming out. Dean had turned the music down a bit and Castiel was afraid that he would be deaf by the end of this trip if he didn’t were more careful about what he said around Dean.

They found a small diner round the next corner and Dean stopped the car. They still didn’t say a word to each other but Castiel could sense that Dean maybe had cooled off a little. 

The diner was completely empty and for a second Dean thought, that maybe it was closed. “Hallo?” he shouted, which resulted in a little skinny dude coming running from the back of the diner. 

“Oh, hey! What can I help you guys with?” he asked hospitably. “A table for two?” he then asked before one of them could answer. Dean nodded.

“My name’s Jeff and I’ll be right back with the menu cards,” he said as he showed them a little table in the back of the diner, resulting in Dean and Cas being entirely alone again.   
They ate in quietness but actually, they both liked it. It had been a long day and they had no idea of where they were so it was nice to sit down and have some silence while they enjoyed the first real meal they had gotten the whole day. Of course, they had snacked on some of the chips Dean had bought back at the Gas’n’Sip but they ran out of snacks in about two hours and they were left to starve. 

“Do you know if there’s any motels around the area?” Dean asked as he paid for his meal. The waiter had looked a little strange when Dean explained that they paid for each of their own meals. 

“If you follow the main road south and turn at the second left road there’s a motel at the right,” the waiter explained as he collected the money. They both said their thanks before they left. 

Castiel could feel the silence creeping up on him as they sat in the car but there was no way that he would start a conversation again. Really, he just wanted this trip to be over as soon as possible. 

It didn’t help the situation when they found out that there was only one room left at the motel. They asked if there were any other motels in town but the closest one was about an hour away, which Dean really couldn’t manage the thought of. 

So, they both ended up in the same room, luckily in two separate beds. They could both feel the weird tension that had arrived while they both changed in to pajamas.   
“I’m sorry about earlier” the apology came out of nowhere and took Castiel by surprise. He really didn’t know what to say. 

“I’m just very protective of my job” Dean tried to explain. They both laid in each of their beds looking at the ceiling. The room was only lit up by a lamp that stood between the two beds. 

“But, is your work really more important than your family?” Castiel asked, afraid that he crossed the line once again. He could hear Dean take a deep breath.

“I’ve worked really hard to get where I am. Since dad died we didn’t have any money at all and I had to work nights and dayshifts to be able to afford an education” Castiel saw how Dean avoided his question. 

“Do you think your workaholic behavior could be covering up on something else?” there was a long break before Dean answered. 

“I know that I don’t see my family that much, but they know the reason. Besides, when have they last visited me in New York? I’m not the only villain here” Dean got himself worked up again.

“I didn’t accuse you of being the villain. I’m just trying to understand” Cas responded. 

Dean didn’t answer and Castiel really didn’t have much else to say. The sign of the conversation being over got supported by Dean turning of the lamp. None of them said goodnight, instead they both laid wide-awake. They knew that they both weren’t sleeping but because of the thoughts consuming their minds, they both decided to not say anything before the morning would come and the sun would rise.


	6. So... A day off?

The morning after they were both surprisingly quiet. Castiel had expected that Dean would make them both agree on never mention his work and family again, but he didn’t say a word. Castiel himself didn’t really know what to say. It’s not like it was any of his business and even though he couldn’t believe how Dean had his priorities he wouldn’t mention it.   
They both were checking out of the motel before it was five AM, giving them enough time to hit the road. Castiel tried to understand how Dean could possibly sit behind the wheel for so many hours and still not go nuts. They had been giving some instructions on how to find the main road from the guy they rented a room by, so when Dean turned left instead of right, as they had been told, Castiel wrinkled his eyebrows. Was Dean really that forgetful? 

“You know, you made a wrong turn back there, right?” he asked. Dean didn’t answer but kept staring out on the road instead. Almost like Castiel wasn’t even there. Castiel crossed his arms and was not ready for another dead silent day with Dean. Maybe it was because of all the things he said last night, but then Dean would tell him, right? Castiel certainly thought of Dean as a guy who would just say things straightforward. 

Castiel became even more confused when Dean stopped by at the diner they had been having dinner at last night. 

“What are we doing here?” he asked.

“Having breakfast” Dean stated and looked at Castiel as if he was the one acting weird. 

It was the same waiter as the night before, Jeff, who served them. He had a bright smile on his face. 

“So you’re not scared off yet?” he asked, though under his big smile there was a tone of something. As if, the city didn’t get that many visitors. However, when you looked at the buildings and how little of shops there were, it wasn’t a surprise to anyone really. 

“What do you think about spending a day here?” Dean asked in the middle of his bacon burger. Castiel almost choked on his sandwich. 

“What, you wanna spend a day here? I thought you wanted to reach California as fast as possible?” Why did Dean turn so quickly? One day he would want to reach California by the night and the next day he wanted to… what, stay in a town where there really wasn’t anything exciting to do? Castiel had a hard time following this man. 

But, Dean nodded. “It looks like it’s a nice town. Maybe they have some old history or something we can check out” Dean suggested. 

“May I remind you of how important it is for you to reach California as soon as possible?” Castiel asked, forgetting all about eating. Dean shrugged. “It can wait”.

Cas sat a few seconds with an almost wide open mouth looking at Dean like he’d been electrocuted. In the meantime, Dean continued eating his burger, which he finished off in a few minutes. When he saw that Castiel hadn’t been able to finish his sandwich, he asked; “Wanna finish that or can I?” as to where Cas just pushed his plate across the table, allowing Dean to eat the rest of it. 

Jeff had heard Dean mumble about finding a place where they could go on a ‘trip’ and had therefore suggested a little path through a small forest. The forest was right outside the village and lead up to a small lake where most of the men in the town came and fished on their days off. Dean tanked Jeff for the suggestion before he and Cas went out to the Impala.

“So what do you think?” Dean asked when they once again sat in the Impala. Cas shrugged. He was still baffled by the sudden change in Dean’s mood and didn’t quite know what to do. 

“Do what you want. I think I might find a room to rent or something” Dean looked at Cas with a wondering look to his eyes. He was trying to determine if he should tell Cas what was up but he chose not to. 

“Well, I think you should come. It could be a nice way to get some air and stretch our legs” Castiel looked behind Dean at the small city they were staying in and tried to decide if a whole day in a room like the one they had stayed at last night was better than using the day in the woods. He came to the conclusion that the woods was a much more attractive alternative than the messy rooms.

So, Dean started the engine and slowly drove out of town to find the path that Jeff had been talking about. 

To start with, the walk was quiet. Dean and Castiel both walked in their own thoughts, listening to the birds and looking at the flowers. The sun was shining but the treetops stopped most of the ray of sunshine to reach the ground. Castiel could smell that it had recently rained and a little unconscious smile hit the corner of his mouth. He closed his eyes and inhaled deep to get as big of an impression as possible. 

Dean walked in front of Castiel, leading the way, but to do so Castiel couldn’t see his face and therefore, didn’t know if Dean was enjoying this or if he actually only had done it because of what Castiel had said the day before. 

Luckily, it seemed that Dean had a great time when they finally arrived at the lake, and Castiel had the chance to see his face. He seemed relaxed and had a small grin on his face.  
They laid a blanket in the grass to sit on. The weather was a bit chilly but their big coats prevented them for getting really cold. Small insects was crawling in the grass beside them and Castiel looked fondly at them.

“I love the nature,” Castiel said as he picked up a little ladybug. Dean smiled.

“Yeah, it’s great” he admitted as he laid down on his back with his hands behind his head. He closed his eyes and listened. He could hear the wind and the birds singing in the trees. He could even hear slight gentle waves from the lake, which was caused by the wind. 

“So you have three brothers, right?” Dean asked, trying to start a conversation. Castiel nodded as he watched the ladybug fly away. 

“Yes, Michael, Luke and Samandriel” he laid himself down next to Dean but instead of closing his eyes he looked at the sky and how clouds covered parts of it. “Why are you asking?” 

“I don’t know. I’m just trying to figure you out I guess” Dean muttered, sounding suddenly tired. Castiel didn’t know what to say to that. If Dean wanted to get to know him, it was fine with him. Maybe that way, he would also get the chance to figure Dean out. 

“I mean, it’s not like you remind me of someone with a brother in jail” Dean broke the silence again. Castiel looked confused at Dean, discovering that he was already looking at Cas. 

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to generalize” Castiel looked up at the sky again thinking to himself that it might were a little too late to say that. 

“It’s just… From what I understand, you don’t talk that much with your brothers but, why care about my relationship with my brother then? I don’t quite get it” Castiel lifted himself from the ground and instead sat up cross-legged. He took the box with the food in it and found a sandwich that he wanted to eat. 

“Well, no I don’t talk to my brothers that much and even though they can be too much sometimes, I would always be there for them. For example this trip – it’s all for Luke” He spoke as he unpacked the food.

“But, why?” Dean asked, not understanding what made Castiel do this. Castiel started to wonder if he should tell Dean it all or spare him and make up some stupid lie. He concluded that since he was going to spend at least three more days with this man, he might as well just be honest.

“As I’ve said earlier; my dad was a bit of a mouthful. Nevertheless, for me it was like living in heaven compared to my brothers. I know that he wasn’t afraid of laying a hand on them and sometimes it was without a reason. Sometimes, he just needed a punching bag” Castiel took a bite of his sandwich and looked as if this was the hundredth time he had told that story. Dean pulled himself off the ground and sat up across Castiel, looking at him worried. It was the expression Cas had expected – he had seen it so many times.   
“I’m sorry to hear that” he said, voice filled with sympathy. Castiel shrugged.

“It’s okay. I don’t remember much of it. I guess I was too small or something, I don’t know” still, Dean kept his look at Castiel, gazing for a sign that Castiel might break in to tears. 

“But yeah, about my brothers; I know that we don’t talk and that we may not even care that much about each other but, I also know why this is. When you’ve been through what they’ve been through there’s no turning back. It does things that can’t be undone” 

“How old were you when he died?” Dean asked. Castiel felt a little unsure about how intense his starring had become but it didn’t look like Dean himself had noticed. 

“Around nine I think – it’s a long time ago so I’ve forgotten most of it” Even though Castiel had thought that he would tell Dean the truth it just seemed harder than he thought, which was the reason to why he send out little white lies. 

“But if he really had known me I’m sure I would’ve been as messed up as Luke and Michael” Castiel smiled like it was a joke he just told. He had hoped that it would lighten up the mood but Dean just seemed to get more curious. 

“What do you mean?” Dean asked. He had completely forgotten about the food in front of him. 

“I’m gay. I think that’s enough reason” dismayed Dean looked at Cas. A new kind of mood filled out the atmosphere around them. Castiel thought that he might have told a little too much to Dean but if this also made Dean open up it was all worth it. 

The fact that Castiel had told Dean such big parts of his personal life, which Dean never would’ve done by himself, he thought that he might owe it to Castiel to also open up a little. He knew that he had been a prick the last couple of days but really, it was just a façade he used to not let anything play with his emotions. But heck, if Castiel had the guts, Dean sure as hell also did. 

“I might contemplate the fact that I’m maybe bisexual but I’m not completely sure yet” Dean said. Castiel had interpreted from Deans silence that he might be one of those homophobic dicks who didn’t allow a queer to sit in his car, so this confession gave him a bit of a shock. 

“What? Don’t tell me you’re one of those guys saying that I just need to pick a side or something,” Dean said trying to cover up how nervous he felt when Castiel didn’t answer. Castiel smiled and shook his head.

“No. I just didn’t expect you to… You know,” he said, not quite sure about what he really meant. 

“Who’s the one generalizing now?” Dean asked, feeling a little more at ease and jokingly blinked at Cas who shared a laugh with him.


	7. Mary Had a Little Lamb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow guys!  
> Thank you so much for all of the sweet comments- they're always a joy to read :DD  
> Exams are killing me in this summer month, so I am very sorry if it happens that I forget to update with a new chapter in a while.  
> Just know that I would much rather write this story over a million times than doing these fricking exams... But hey, guess life's just being an ass at the moment ':P
> 
> Again, thank you and please enjoy reading the rest :))

Cas and Dean came back and rented the same room as they had used the first night in town. They left the town around nine AM, after they once again had received directions to the main road. They had reached Missouri instead of Iowa, which had been a bit of a shock to both of them. Dean knew that he had taken some wrong turns, which lead them to the town they had just left, but he had no idea how far off the planned route he had driven. 

The lovely owners of the diner they ate breakfast at had been so kind to make sure that Dean and Castiel had something to eat on the road since they still had a long way to go. So Dean was hoping that if he drove fast enough and didn’t made any stops they could maybe reach Kansas by night. They had food for the whole day and he had just filled the Impala with gas before they left the town, so anything actually made his hope realistic. 

Some music was playing but this time it was at a low volume making it a nice background sound. Castiel watched out at the nature that was passing by while his head nodded to the beat, earning a little smile from Dean. Unconsciously he let his finger hit the wheel to the beat of the music as well. 

“So I thought that if we hit Kanas today we could maybe stop by at my mom’s house? I’m sure she’ll let us stay the night” Dean spoke loud enough for Castiel to hear it above the music. Castiel looked surprised at Dean. He didn’t know what had hit Dean’s mind since he had started not to be so busy about reaching California. He hoped that Dean had actually listened to what he said about work not being more important than family.

“That’d be okay with me,” he therefore answered.

Dean was quick to pull his phone out of his pocket to dial his mom while he turned the music a bit more down. Castiel pretended that he wasn’t listening but he just couldn’t help himself. He was dying to know what kind of mom Dean had been raised by. From what he heard from their conversation, her name was Mary and that she lived a small drive in to Kansas from where they were coming. Castiel noticed how Dean’s smile had become more sincere throughout the conversation.

“You miss her?” he asked when they were done talking. Dean’s smile brightened a little more.

“It’s odd how you can forget such things…” Dean mumbled mostly to himself. 

 

They arrived at Mary’s home a little later than expected but there were still light turned on at the porch. They both got out of the car and before Dean could reach the door, Mary opened it and embraced her oldest son with a big hug. 

“Dean! So good to see you. How are you? Have you been eating well, you look thinner” she grabbed Dean’s arm to make sure that he was still as strong as last time they saw each other. Dean laughed before he pulled her in to another hug while the feeling of how much he really had missed her began to grow in his stomach. 

“Mom this is Castiel…- “ Dean made a gesture at Castiel who stood awkwardly behind Dean smiling to himself. “ -… he’s a… friend” Dean introduced him. For a second Dean didn’t know what to introduce him as since they’ve only known each other for about five days, but since they’ve started to talk more and better with each other Dean thought that they might actually be friends. 

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Winchester” Castiel said as he held his hand out. 

“Oh, call me Mary” she answered and instead of shaking Cas’ hand she brought him down to a tight hug. 

“You hungry?” she asked as she walked in to the house with Dean and Castiel following.

“Actually we ate on the road. You really didn’t had to wait up” Dean explained as he hung his leather jacket on the rack on the wall. Castiel followed his lead and hung his coat there too.

“Nonsense! I’ve made some meatloaf and rice and I’ve already made the beds in you and Sam’s old bedrooms” Dean knew that his mother wouldn’t go to bed before she was sure that her unexpected guests had at least ate two portions each. Dean could feel how much he really had missed this old place. He had been raised here; those streets outside carried his memories and he couldn’t wait to get up to his old room and look through all his old stuff. 

They ate while Mary told them about all the stuff that’d been going since last time Dean came and visited.

“It must be what? A year and a half since we last saw” Mary stated still with a smile to her lips like she wouldn’t let a thing like that make her mad. Dean though immediately felt the guilt building inside his chest.

“I’m so sorry mom but you know with the work and all I just didn’t…- “ Mary cut off Dean with a finger telling him to be quiet.

“Yes and I don’t blame you. Do you have any idea of how proud I am to call you my son?” she said trying to make Dean feel better. And, she did. 

It got quiet in the little kitchen. The sun had set and the only thing throwing light at these three people were a little lamp hanging from the ceiling. Mary started to ask about Castiel – almost interrogate him – to the point where Dean cut in to tell her that maybe Castiel was tired and didn’t feel like telling Mary his whole life story. Though, Cas said that it was fine and that he already felt welcome enough in the little home to tell her about himself. 

None of them looked at their watches before the big old clock in the living room ringed twelve times telling them that it was time to go to bed. Mary showed them where they should sleep, though Dean of course already knew where his room was. 

“Well, sleep tight. I think we might leave early tomorrow if that’s okay?” Dean asked as he stood in the doorframe, watching Castiel pull out the clothes he wanted to sleep in. Castiel nodded. 

“Yep, that’s cool. See you tomorrow” 

Dean couldn’t determine what it was but something seemed off about Cas. Like, he didn’t felt comfy enough to be able to sleep there or something. Which didn’t make sense since Cas had looked so comfortable down in the kitchen. Dean chose to ignore it and maybe if it had gotten worse overnight he would ask about it the next day. 

So, he closed the door behind him and walked in to his own room. He was quick to get changed and even quicker to get under the sheets. He was tired, his back was a little sore, and oh, how he had missed that old bed of his but still it seemed that he couldn’t fall asleep. 

He laid there thinking about all the stuff he had been doing in here and how time had flew by without giving him a chance to catch up. A little thought snuck in to his mind. Just a little what if. But, what if he was wasting his time in New York? What if this was actually the place, he was meant to be?

His thoughts were interrupted by a few small knocks on his door. He looked at the time and saw that he had been laying in the same spot in almost one and a half hour.

“Come in” he whispered thinking that it was probably just Mary who forgot to say something. So, when Castiels face peeked in through the small door crack Dean pulled a confused expression. 

“Can I come in?” Castiel asked. Dean nodded not sure of what Castiel had in mind. 

“What’s up?” he asked as he saw the worried look in Castiels eyes. 

Castiel moved a little closer before answering; “Uhm… I know it might sound silly… but, uhm… I was thinking that maybe if you wouldn’t mind it… uhm… if I slept… in… here?” Dean sat up in the bed examining his friends face for some clues on what was going on. 

“Why? What’s wrong with the other room?” he asked. 

“It’s uh… it’s not the room. It’s just cause… I had, you know, a bad dream and I thought that maybe uh… if it was okay with you that I slept in here… But it’s fine. It’s okay. I’ll just go back to the other room” he was already half way out of the room when Dean stopped him. 

“I guess you can stay in here. Do you have the sheets from Sam’s room?” It looked like a giant boulder was taking from Castiels shoulder when Dean said yes. 

“Thank you Dean” Cas said once they both laid in Dean’s bed. Dean had at first thought that this would be the most awkward night of his life but actually he felt quiet comfortable around Cas.

They started of laying besides each other with the arms against their sides and eyes on the ceiling but as they both slowly got more casual around each other, they started to relax more. It ended up with Cas asking if Dean would had anything against cuddling, where to Dean answered that he actually wouldn’t. Dean became the little spoon, which he found really nice while Cas held his arms close to Deans chest and arms.

Castiel got a more grounded feeling by holding Dean in his arms, which also helped a lot on the panic attack he had gotten from his nightmare, and even though their friendship were completely platonic he couldn’t reject the fact that he liked it in this position.


	8. You Are Not Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So today's my birthday!! :D  
> Therefore, I thought I would upload two chapters today - yay!   
> Please enjoy, and let me know what you think in the comments :))

Mary was up before sunrise – she always was. However, this time she had to stop up in front of her oldest son’s room just to make sure that he was still there. What she didn’t expect to see was Castiel laying at his side with one arm slung over Deans chest. She smiled and thought that maybe Cas was a little more than a friend. She didn’t want them to catch her stare so she walked downstairs to make breakfast but still with a little smile creeping at the corner of her lips. 

Dean woke up to the smell of bacon seeping through the open door and he started wondering if Cas had forgotten to close it last night. At the thought of Castiel he realized that an arm was laying on his chest while the smell of Castiels hair reached Deans nose. A small-unnoticed smile formed at his lips and he unconsciously started drawing invisible lines at Cas’ back. Castiels eyes opened and he looked up at Dean through his lashes.

“Morning sunshine” Dean almost whispered with a little smirk to his mouth. 

Castiel smiled as an answer before he rolled unto his back and stretched his whole body while a loud groan escaped his mouth. The air wasn’t filled with that well-known kind of awkward feeling as after a one night stand, instead they both felt safe. They didn’t feel like this meant anything, actually if it had to mean something it was that their companionship surely had moved on to a friendship. And, that was a nice feeling. There was no pressure to talk about anything, the only thing Dean actually wanted to ask about was what kind of nightmare Castiel had had. 

But, instead of talking, they both got dressed in a couple of minutes. They packed their bags and went downstairs just to be greeted by newly made eggs, bacon and pancakes. Dean got that feeling of homesick like he’d had the night before but this time it was while he was home which was kind of weird. 

The talk flowed greatly at the morning table where Mary asked them about their trip and where they were headed today and how long it took for them to get to California and “remember to say hi to Sam and Jess for me” and “maybe you could drop by on your way home again?” 

Dean thought the last thing sounded lovely and promised that he would call her as soon as he knew where he was going. 

They left at around noon which was much later than expected but Dean and Cas had almost done this all the days they’d been on the road so it didn’t bother them that much.   
They left Mary’s house and Dean could still see her standing at her porch, waving goodbye, in his head. He already missed her. He had already made up with himself that work surely could wait one more day if it meant that he could drop by Mary’s house on the way home. 

Castiel hummed the song that was playing on the radio. Dean drove the car more relaxed and therefore, also slower than the other days. He was in a great mood and for the first time on this trip he didn’t feel like he had to rush everything so he could be back as soon as possible, which was nice. 

“So, wanna talk about it?” Dean asked, making Cas stop humming. 

“Talk about what?” he asked even though he knew. He just didn’t want to ruin the great mood they both were in by telling Dean about his nightmare.

“You know. The bad dream?” Dean pulled Castiel out of his thoughts that had landed on his nightmare. 

“No” Castiel then answered. He didn’t try to sound rude he just really didn’t want to be reminded of it.

“You sure? Cause I mean… sometimes it’s nice just to tell someone about it. I won’t interrupt or anything. Heck, if you want, I can be completely silent” Dean offered. He added the last just to make sure that Castiel wouldn’t expect him to bring up some advice, because that was probably the only thing Dean wasn’t familiar with. 

But, as an answer Castiel shook his head, reserved. He looked out of the window, making Dean unsure of how he was feeling. 

“I can make a great listener, Cas. I mean it”

“Dean. I really don’t wanna talk about it!” Castiel said a little louder than he intended. Dean shook the small shock off his face and turned his head against the road. Great, now the mood was surely ruined.

Castiel stared out at the nature they were passing by as his thoughts were on his nightmare. He really couldn’t understand what had triggered it but, it happened to be one of the worst nightmares he’d had in a little over six months. He glanced shortly at Dean before he took a deep breath and convinced himself to tell Dean about it. He didn’t know why, but he felt like the night before had made a little change in their friendship and he actually felt safe talking about his feelings with Dean. Even though, he clearly saw Dean as the guy who hid all his emotions behind a wall of loud music. 

“I confess. I lied to you back at the lake,” Cas said, earning Dean’s full attention. He could see that Dean was confused and answered therefore the question that hadn’t been asked yet.

“I do remember my dad” Dean’s face went from confused to concern. 

“Is this one of those moments where I have to pull the car over?” Dean asked unsure of how deep this conversation would turn out. Which was also the reason for him to think that he should pull the car over; it would be easier to talk about such stuff, if he had the possibility to keep both eyes on Cas instead of the road. Castiel snorted a little with a smile to his lips, both happy and surprised at Dean’s thoughtfulness. Then shook his head.

“It’s fine. I just thought that since you asked, I should give you a proper answer” Castiel explained and shrugged. Dean nodded, his eyes again looking at the road. However, a small wrinkle had found it’s way to between his eyebrows and made him looked more concerned than he thought he did. 

“I think that our small conversation at the lake brought all the memories back. It have to be, because I haven’t had a bad dream for about six months” 

“I’m sorry I brought it up. I just wanted to, you know, get to know you better” Dean apologized. 

“No, it’s okay. Actually, it’s kinda nice to talk to someone other than my brothers or a shitty therapist about it” Castiel couldn’t remember when he last talked about it but, he was sure that it was over a decade since. 

Dean was silent. He didn’t know if he should ask more into it or if Cas had said what he wanted to say. Castiel waited for Dean to give him a sign, that it was okay for him to keep talking. He ended up remembering how Dean had made it very clear that he was more than happy to lean back and let Cas talk, if that was what Cas felt like. So, Cas started talking.

“I remember how me and my brothers always got moved around. Michael was the oldest; therefore, he automatically took on the job to take care of us all. Unfortunately, he and Luke couldn’t stand each other the first couple of years, so I had to step in and make some decision when they were too stubborn to do it” Castiel looked at Dean to make sure that it was okay for him to just babble along. Dean gave him a sincere look deep with care.

“We went from orphanage to orphanage. Twice we got a family that was willing to take all four of us in, but since we ended up back in a new orphanage, you can imagine how well that went” Castiel took a deep sigh and shook the uncomfortable feeling off. It came out of nowhere but, he guess it came from the subject he was talking about. 

“I guess that’s why I hold on so tight to my brothers. I know they can be some great pains in my ass but I still love them. And, I know they also love me” 

As Dean had made sure to mention before, he was very bad at giving advice and verbal comfort, but Cas could see it all in his eyes. When Cas talked he sometimes glanced at Dean, just to make sure that he was still listening or even wanted to hear about it all. And, every time he looked over at the driver, he received a look so deep and true sent from the greenest pearls he had ever seen. He almost didn’t want to stop talking, just so he could keep that look coming all day long. 

Dean didn’t mind. He wanted to hear about it. And, as much as he wished, he wanted to reach out and tell Castiel how admirable he was. He couldn’t believe all the crap Cas had been through. And, he couldn’t believe that even though Cas had been through it all, he had still ended up on the other side as the strongest man Dean had ever known. 

When they reached the destination, Dean had almost not said one word. Cas had been the only one talking, and he felt so relieved. He thought it was impossible that another human being wanted to sit a whole day in a car with him and just listen to what he had to say. It was so unreal. 

When they finally found a motel late at night, they were both exhausted. Dean stopped the car and was about to get out of the car to go get some rooms, before he leaned back in to the car and looked at Cas. 

“Do you wanna share a room again? Like, it would be cheaper and such,” Dean asked, not very smoothly. Castiel smiled a little surprised but was quick to nod. 

They both got in the room and started unpacking their stuff, Dean getting ready for a shower while Castiel was heading straight for the bed. 

Dean glanced at Cas and an idea that had been on his mind all day was about to be brought to life. Dean asked; “Hey, if you feel like it, we can share a bed again. You know if you get any bad dreams and all” He really tried to sound smooth but he could clearly hear how bad he failed. He didn’t even know why he was nervous. It was not like he wanted to do anything dirty; he was actually genuinely concerned about Castiel and he also thought it had been amazing the night before. It was such a long time ago, he’d last been in a relationship and he was used to being the big spoon, so what he had experienced the night before was a first for him. 

All this went through Dean’s mind while Cas saw how his cheeks turned more and more red. Castiel nodded with a fondly smile on his face, before Dean let out a breath he’d been holding and relieved went back to take that shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this chapter is a bit long, but I had a lot to tell in this one and I had a hard time cutting down on the different lines.   
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it - I surely enjoyed writing it :D


	9. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a small spoiler:  
> A lot of fluff and smut(?) will appear. Embrace yourself!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the longest chapter yet, and boy was this fun to write!  
> I really hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you think :D

Once again, the boys where a little late on the road. It had sort of turned in to a bad habit. They hadn’t been busy with packing up their stuff and leave the town as fast as possible. Instead, they had talked over some cheap burgers from the nearest diner, where they thereafter turned to actually pack their clothes. Some of Dean’s old rock music was once again playing as background music. 

“So, where are we headed today?” Cas asked, picking the map out from the glove department and opening it up. Dean had drawn another route in green, that he had planned they could follow now that they were ended up two states away from the originally planned route. 

Dean glanced at the map even though he already knew the answer.

“Actually, we are less than a day from our destination” he announced. Castiel looked shocked at him. He couldn’t explain why his heart skipped a beat at that message. He looked close at the map, trying to figure out if Dean was screwing with him. Cas could see that they still had a long way to go, but if Dean hit the pedal and he drove like he’d done the other days, they would be in California by night. 

“Wow” he almost whispered to himself. Dean looked at him. Dean didn’t know how to feel about it, now that the trip was coming to an end. He hoped that he maybe had made a new friend that he would keep in touch with, but he wasn’t sure. All Dean knew for sure was that he actually was a little sad at the thought of their trip being over. 

“You know, I’ve actually had some great days” Dean said. He had a smile on his lips and tried to play it cool, so maybe Castiel wouldn’t waste their last day together being sad. Castiel nodded, still looking down at his hands with a little frown.

“Me too” 

“Argh, come on, buddy. It’s not like the end of the world” Dean pushed him with his elbow and winked when Cas finally looked up. It brought a small smile to his lips, Dean noticed. 

Just to buy a small amount of more time, Dean decided to pull over at a small fast food restaurant. Castiel didn’t argue about eating there, actually he had already figured out why Dean did so. And, to be honest, he was happy that Dean also wanted the last day to last as long as possible. Dean didn’t seem to be too upset about the whole situation, whereas Castiel felt like he could be torn apart at any second. But, Castiel recognized Dean’s behavior and realized that Dean had as much against it all, as Cas did. 

“So… When are you leaving California again?” Castiel asked when they were both sitting in the car again. Dean shrugged.

“I planned on leaving the day after Christmas. That way I would be in New York before New Year’s Eve” he answered, sounding considerate. Castiel nodded. He had asked so he could figure out if they still had some time left in Cali, but unfortunately, it didn’t sound like it. 

“But I don’t know. Maybe Sam will let me sleep at their couch for another couple of days” Dean had been thinking about staying maybe a few more days, since they left Mary’s house. He had started to realize how much he really missed his little brother, while the guilt also slowly was building up inside of him.

“What about you? You staying long, or leaving as soon as Luke’s out?” Castiel shook his head.

“I actually have a small apartment in Cali where I think I’ll be spending the rest of the holidays” 

“That’s nice. And after, when the holiday’s over?” Dean asked, trying to figure out if Castiel would come back to New York again. 

“I don’t know really. Maybe I’ll see if I can find someone willing to publish my book” 

Dean didn’t know what to say. How to express his feelings. He didn’t even know how he felt about the whole situation. The only thing he was completely sure about was that whenever he thought about the last hours of Castiel’s company slipping away, he got this weird aching in his stomach. 

Castiel let his finger travel across the map that once again had found its place in his lap, following the green line that showed the route they had driven. He couldn’t believe that a four-days-drive was ended up being over seven days long. If he hadn’t missed his bus, he would’ve been in California right this moment, maybe even talking to Luke. But, even though the drive had taken a lot longer than expected, he wouldn’t want to exchange it for anything else. 

The boys hit Cali around eleven in the evening, just like Dean had predicted. Dean had called Sam to let him know that one of Dean’s friends were staying the night. Sam had been totally fine with it, as long as his older brother also was coming. Dean still couldn’t fight how he felt like he had betrayed Sam. He had actually chosen work over his own family and it was first now that it appeared to him, how fricking rude he’d been. 

Sam and Jessica were both standing at the porch as the Impala drove into to their driveway. They walked down and greeted Sam’s older brother with hugs. Dean didn’t want to admit it but he had really missed his overgrown little brother’s hugs. He was happy that Sam’s shoulder covered his face, so none of the others could see the big smile that appeared on his lips and made small wrinkles around his eyes. When Sam finally let go of him, he turned to see Jess embracing Cas. Cas looked a little confused about the whole situation, but Dean remembered that maybe he wasn’t used to getting hugs from his family when they greeted each other. 

Sam took some of Dean’s bags from the backseat and showed his guests the way in to their entrance hall. It wasn’t long before they all four were sitting in Sam and Jess’ living room, sharing stories over some cheap beers. Sam told about how his year had been at Stanford, and how he and Jessica met. 

“My friend, Brady, set us up” he said, smiling at Jess. “It was a blind date. At first I actually didn’t want to go”. Jessica laughed. 

“Same goes for me. I was busy with school when Brady told me I really could help him out if I wanted to cheer his friend up”

“Hey! You make me sound like a depressed loner” Again, Jessica’s laugh could be heard in the whole apartment while a smile, big and wide, showed on Sam’s face. Dean could almost see the love radiating from Sam’s eyes. 

It got late before they started to talk about where Cas and Dean had to sleep. Sam apologized and said, that they only had one spare bedroom, but if it was necessary one of them could sleep on the couch. 

“Yeah, we’ll figure it out” said Dean, without answering the question directly, and looked at Cas. He wondered if Cas wanted to share their last night, or if he needed some personal space. Sam noticed that something was up, but he couldn’t figure out what. When he and Dean was standing alone in the spare bedroom, putting on duvet covers on the quilts, Sam tried to bring it up. 

“So, how’d you meet Cas anyway?” he asked, trying to be subtle.

“Gas’n’Sip. He needed a ride and I needed someone to pass the time with” Dean answered, not paying much attention to his brother. 

“What do you think of him? Like, are you good friends now?” Even Dean could hear how unsubtle Sam was, and looked up at his brother, wrinkling his brows. He shrugged, and thought that maybe he was delusional. No way, Sam would be able to sense anything between he and Cas. 

“I don’t know. I guess” 

“Hmm… That’s… nice” Okay, now Dean was sure he wasn’t delusional. Sam certainly was searching for something. He was just about to open his mouth when he heard a small knock on the door. Castiel was standing in the doorframe, not sure if he should interrupt the newly reunited brothers. 

“Is it a bad time?” He asked, looking at Dean. Dean shook his head.

“No. What’s up, buddy?” 

“I thought, maybe we should decide where to sleep?” He glanced at Sam, and wondered how much he knew about Cas and Dean’s sleeping arrangements. Sam took a step back, feeling that maybe he should let them talk alone. 

“I’m gonna go… And… do stuff” he said, as he walked past Cas and turned one last time to send a look of curiosity and confusion to his brother. Dean rolled his eyes at his immature little brother, when he was gone. 

“Wanna sleep in the living room or here?” Dean asked. 

“What’s most comforting for you,” Castiel answered. He hoped that Dean wanted to spend their last night together. However, he wasn’t sure.

“Well, in here there’s a bigger bed… If, you feel like you want some company in case another nightmare pops up?” Cas smiled, relieved at what Dean was low-key suggesting. He nodded.

“Yeah, I’d like that”

Soon enough they had said their goodnights to Sam and Jess and were both lying in bed. Dean couldn’t sleep. He was playing his trip to California over and over again in his mind. He couldn’t help but wonder, why the first day, when he was alone, felt like it had been longer than all the days he’d spend with Cas altogether. At the same time, it was like he’d met Cas yesterday but had known him for a lifetime. 

“You asleep?” he asked, not brave enough to turn his face and look at Cas. 

“Nope” answered Cas. 

At the sound of Castiels voice, Dean finally got the courage to turn his whole body and finally take a good look at Cas. To his surprise, Castiel was already looking at him.  
“I wanna apologize. I know I’ve treated you like an idiot for at least half way here” This confused Castiel. His blue eyes gazed in to Dean’s green, trying to find an answer to this sudden moment of truth. He came to the conclusion that maybe Dean was finally opening up to him because it maybe was his last chance. 

“You don’t have to apologize, Dean. I know I also shouldn’t have given you advice on what to do with your family, when I barely knew you” Dean smiled while he lifted himself up on an elbow, resting his head in his hand. 

“Guess we’re even now” he said. 

Castiel got caught in the atmosphere, and a storm of butterflies took possession of his stomach, while he lifted his hand up to rest at Dean’s cheek. He could feel how it got hotter against his palm as the red color spread across Dean’s face. 

“I don’t why or who made you think that you have to push your feelings aside. And, I can’t blame you for wanting to protect yourself. I just want you to know, that you deserve so much better”.

Dean tried to swallow the lump in his throat, while he looked down. He liked the feeling of Cas’ palm against his cheek. The closeness of Cas made him seem calm, all the same time as it made a monster wake in his stomach. He didn’t know what to say or what to do, he’d actually never tried being this mentally close with another human being before.  
Cas hoped that Dean’s silence was a sign of nervousness and not because Dean thought that Cas had crossed a line. He took a chance, and even though his heart was beating faster and faster in his chest, he calmly leaned his head forward until his lips was right in front of Dean’s. Dean had stopped breathing and let out a small, shaky sigh. Cas could feel the warmth hitting his lips, giving him the strength to go the last step and slowly connecting his lips with Dean’s. 

At first it was a dry kiss, where Cas felt like he was the only one giving in. But, as Dean’s brain started to work again and he actually understood what was going on, he started to move his lips in the same pace as Cas. Dean was the first to suggest the use of tongue. 

The sincere tongue kissing turned in to a more heated moment, where Cas slid his hand up Dean’s shirt, caressing his torso. Dean let out a deep moan, holding his breath when he realized that maybe Sam and Jess would be able to hear them. With a muffled laugh, Cas got out of his T-shirt. Dean almost hungrily ran his hands down his upper body, stopping when he hit the waistband of his boxers. His eyes met Cas’, which shined with pure lust, making sure that it was more than okay for Dean to go further down, if that’s what he intended to do. So Dean did. A small victory smile creeped at the corners of his lips as he saw Cas lay his head back, while trying to hold in a deep sob, when Dean grabbed his full length through the fabric of Cas’ boxers. When a sound started to leave Cas, Dean laid a hand over his mouth.

“Don’t wanna wake the others,” He stated. Cas nodded, then closed his mouth, as Dean removed his hand from his crotch again. Though, Cas wouldn’t mind if it had stayed there a little longer. Castiel was hungry for Dean, so when Dean slowly grinded against him, he took matters in to own hands. He grabbed Dean by his hips and turned him around, so Cas was on top of him. He could feel Dean’s erection against his thigh. As he started to kiss Dean’s neck, his hand ghosted down his side, grabbing Dean’s bum when it finally reached it. His other hand laid on Dean’s mouth. Maybe Cas had let out a sigh or two, but Dean was loud. Cas wasn’t even started yet and Dean was already half out of his mind. Cas didn’t complain though. He enjoyed the sight of Dean in need of someone to dominate him. 

Muffled sounds and small moans could be heard from that spare bedroom ‘til early morning. Dean was exhausted but he didn’t mind. He’d obviously been with chicks before, and he’d got off before, but he’d never been with a guy, and holy crap was that shit good. He liked the feeling of Cas dominating him, and the feeling of spooning when they were done, and he certainly liked the feeling of waking up with Cas’ arms around his waist, they both still being naked. The only thing he didn’t like, was the thought of them having to say goodbye.


	10. Goodbye Doesn't Last Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, guys!  
> I am SO sorry for the wait, but I've just been so busy (went to summercamp, working and oh - working again) so sorry about that.  
> But, I hope I can make it up to y'all with this chapter - hopefully next chapter will be published faster than this :P   
> Please, let me know what you think, and thanks to all of you who already did! It's so heartwarming to log in and see all those nice comments <3

Goodbyes had always been the worst. Well, at least according to Dean. He had always had this hidden fear of making scenarios awkward, and if there was one thing he would make awkward, it was goodbyes. He didn’t know if he should go in for a hug or give a formal handshake or just wave a little and say “see ya!” or don’t do anything at all. It was really confusing. 

Castiel, on the other hand, was pretty known with goodbyes. As sad as it sounded, he’d had quite a lot of those in his earlier years. However, he’d never tried saying goodbye to a man he’d spent eight days on the road with, and thereafter had steaming sex, in the man’s brother’s spare bedroom. 

Therefore, they were both quiet the morning after. They had both said their good mornings to each other, but other than that, it was complete silence. Dean didn’t know why it became such a big task to just talk to Cas – after all he’d spend more than a week with the guy. And, after their first night in the same bed, they both had had such an ease with conversation, so why should it be a problem now? Maybe Dean had crossed a line after all. Maybe Castiel regretted the things that went down the night before, and therefore didn’t want to talk to Dean. 

Dean didn’t eat much for breakfast and neither did Cas. Sam and Jessica could both feel the strange pressure in the atmosphere and tried to lift up the mood with jokes and laughs, but all they got was fake laughs from Dean and silent smiles from Castiel as he moved his eggs around on his plate, not eating any of them. 

Dean stayed in the kitchen and helped Jessica clean up the dishes, while Castiel went upstairs to pack his stuff. Dean could almost feel how his last minutes with Cas was slowly running out. He didn’t want to be pushy or make Castiel feel uncomfortable, but he needed to know whether Cas had enjoyed the night before or not. Dean felt that he at least owed Cas an apology if he had crossed a line with him. So when Dean and Jess finally were done cleaning up, he went upstairs to find Cas in the spare bedroom, as he expected. Cas was almost done with packing his clothes and looked curious up when he felt another person’s presence. A light blush covered his cheeks when he saw Dean staring at him, so he continued with packing his clothes as a distraction. 

“Do you mind?” Dean asked as he gestured to the bed, asking Cas if it was okay for him to sit there. Cas nodded but still looking down at his clothes. 

“Are…” Dean started off, unsure of how to end the question. “Are we okay?” He ended up asking. He felt butterflies crawling the walls of his stomach. He hated this feeling so much.

Castiel stopped folding his clothes and looked up at Dean. He didn’t know what to answer. That he hoped they were fine? That he wanted them to be? What should he say without sounding like a cheesy young teenager? 

“You know ‘cause I don’t want us to part without being friends,” Dean said when the silence to his question hit him as a wall. Dean thought that the silence meant that Castiel didn’t think it was okay between them. 

“Aren’t we?” Asked Cas, finally breaking the tension. He looked at Dean with doubt in his eyes, hoping that this moment just would end so he could flee and never look this man in his eyes again. He liked Dean, he really did, but as Dean himself had said; Dean was still experimenting on his sexuality and Cas didn’t want to be the guy that got hurt, when Dean finally came to the conclusion that he was straight. 

“I guess” Said Dean, catching Cas’ hints. With a stone cold facial expression, he left the room, leaving Cas alone to pack the rest of his things. 

Cas left the apartment with a hug from all three of those people he was leaving. He didn’t want to admit it, but when Dean’s arms embraced him for the last time, he took a big whiff of Dean’s deodorant, trying to keep that memory safe for as long as possible. He walked down the front lawn towards the cap waiting for him, with his head bowed so he only had eyes for the ground. He really wanted to look back at Dean. Take one last glance at his beautiful posture but he controlled himself and got in the cap after he’d thrown his luggage in to the back seat. 

Sam and Jess both went to go inside once Castiel was out of sight, and even though they didn’t notice, Dean kept his eyes on the place where he had lost his sight on Cas just a second longer than the others. Then with a small sigh, only he could hear, he followed his baby brother inside to finally regain their long lost bond. 

Sam and Dean had so much to talk about. Jess made some coffee while Dean leaned back into the old couch that obviously wasn’t bought as new. Sam put on some soft background music before he also took a seat across Dean, so they could look directly at each other. Dean could see Sam’s loss of brotherly absence, even though Sam did all to cover up how hurt he really felt. 

“So, what’ve you been up to?” Sam asked, as the silence got anxiously tense. 

“You know… just doing my job, keeping busy” Dean answered, realizing that Sam didn’t even know what he was working with. “What about you?” he asked, to cover up the feeling of failure creeping in on him. 

“Well, studying for starters but I’ve also been doing some different stuff on the side. I’m in this group where we make different events where people can donate to a good cause. It’s going to make me look better in the future” Dean couldn’t help but smile proudly at his not-so-little brother, whom had grown a lot in the last year. Stanford had really helped Sam work miracles. 

The day drifted away and took the sunlight along, before the moon brought upon the young people, chatting in the living room, a more sophisticated and blueish light. Christmas Eve was finally here. Dean and Sam had decorated a small plastic tree from the store down the street, while Jess had cooked the meal. Sure, it was nothing like those fancy meals Dean had been enjoying with his business partners in New York, but the good mood comforting them all made up for it. The one thing that would’ve made the whole evening perfect was if Castiel could’ve been there. Dean knew that Cas had business to do with his brother in jail, but Dean had still hoped that he and Cas would’ve been able to just celebrate a little before Cas had to leave. 

When they were done eating they all moved to the couch and watched some television. They ended up putting on ‘Home Alone’. Dean really enjoyed this because for the first time in over a year, he felt comfortable with being himself again. He felt as if he’d put on a mask every time he went to work and the mask had just started to stay on permanently. Maybe, that was also why Sam and him had started to drift away from each other. Dean shook the thoughts from his head and tried for the rest of the evening to be as present as possible.


	11. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know it's the compeletely wrong holiday to write about christmas, but I did it anyway.   
> Let me know what you think in the comments - I always enjoy to hear from you (and it's late so I didn't have time to proof read this chapter, so please tell me if anything's wrong. Thanks)
> 
> P.s. The end is near, and this story has been amazing to work on. I REALLY hope that you guys have enjoyed this as much as me :))

Dean had never had a formal Christmas morning when he’d been on the road with his dad. Usually, John would pass out drunk on a couch on Christmas Eve while Dean and Sam was left to clean up the room, they’d rented, so they all could leave as fast as possible the next day. Therefore, it was so enjoyable for Dean to see how much work Sammy had put in to making this morning the best Christmas ever. The tree from last night was still standing, piles of home cooked breakfast was standing in the kitchen, and right in the middle of the three plates and glasses was a small neat-wrapped present with the name ‘DEAN’ written on it. A small smile showed on Dean’s lips. 

“Sit” said Jess, making Sam and Dean sit immediately. They both complimented Jessica’s cooking skills, while she tried to brush them off with some comments about how she “learned it from a cooking show”. Once again, the small kitchen was filled with talk and laughter and Dean got this feeling in his heart, as if it would literally explode from all the happiness surrounding him in that moment. 

“So, Dean” said Sam with a serious look to his face, making Dean nervous of what he had in mind. “What about you open that present of yours? I know you’ve had your eyes on it since we sat down” he joked, making Dean smile. Dean grabbed the small package and shook it like a little kid, trying to figure out what was inside. With no luck, he opened it and saw a necklace laying in the box. At first, he thought that it was a strange gift from Sam, since his little brother had never seen him wear anything jewelry. But, when he took it in his hands and lifted it into the air, a small object was lifted as well. He looked at the leather strap, which was connected to a small pendant. Small and golden. Dean loved it.  
“It’s a good luck charm” Sam was nervous that Dean didn’t like it, so he added; “you could hang it in the Impala or something” 

Dean smiled at his little brother and without saying a word, he adjusted the strap, so his head could get through, and then put the necklace around his neck. 

“I think it suits me better” 

Sam’s smile was priceless, he looked so proud that he’d found a jewelry, that Dean actually was willing to wear. 

“Oh, I forgot. My presents are in the car. Wait a second” Dean said, as he quickly got up and out of the kitchen. He got to the trunk of his car, where he had hidden his presents, when his phone started to ring loud and needy. Dean considered to let it ring, but when he saw Carl’s name on the screen, he felt obligated to answer. 

“Hey” he answered, not really feeling like talking to Carl right now. 

“Hey Deano! Where are you? I know you said, you had to spend Christmas with your brother, but it’s been over a week since we last saw you. We need you, man” Dean sighed silently. He rubbed his eyes before he answered. 

“Yeah, I’ve been busy. Look, Carl, it’s really not a great time right now” Dean just wanted this conversation to be over, so he could go back in to his little brother and his girlfriend’s apartment. 

“Oh come one, like you don’t have a minute to yourself. Didn’t you express to me how much you didn’t wanna go huh? This is your excuse to leave them for a moment” Dean got angry.

“I am done with excuses… -“ he muttered mostly to himself “-… I quit” a loud gasp could be heard from the other side of the line. 

“Dean, please tell me you’re joking. We need you” panic was dominating Carl’s voice.

“Good bye” was the only thing Dean said, before he hung up. 

When he put his phone in his pocket, he came to the realization of what he’d just done. What would the consequences be? And, what would he do now? His apartment, everything was in New York, and now he’d just quit the best job he’d ever had. 

“Hey Dean, what’s taking you so long?” Sam was standing in the door, looking at Dean with a worried, but still smiling, face. He turned around as soon as he got a hold on the presents, neatly wrapped in one of the amusement parks theme-designed bags. He waved in the air, as a sign to Sam that he got what he came for. He knew that the cheap T-shirt and crappy bear he got Sam and Jess was worth nothing, but still they seemed to like it. Maybe, it was because they had expected him to show up with nothing. 

Sam put on his T-shirt as soon as he opened the present, making sure to show Dean how happy it made him, while Jess hugged the bear tightly, complimenting how soft and cuddly it was. Dean smiled proudly, even though he knew they were lying – he would lie too. 

“So, who were you talking to out there?” Sam asked curiously. “You seemed tense,” he stated, trying to explain why he asked in the first place.

“Ehm… It was Carl, my colleague,” Dean thought that maybe he should tell Sam, what he’d done this morning. Maybe Sam would even be able to help. “I gave him my notice”. Sam didn’t know what to say. He thought that Dean loved his job – that was after all what had kept them apart for over a year. 

“Why?” he looked at Jess to see if she was as shocked as him. Sam had told her everything when they had been dating for some time, so she also knew how he felt about Dean and the way Dean had just left him. Of course, Sam was in college and didn’t had much time left either, but he had tried calling Dean the first couple of months, before he realized that maybe Dean had better things to do, than talk to his kid brother. So, Sam started to think, that if Dean ever needed to talk he would be the one to call, and that’s basically how they slowly stopped talking. 

“What are you going to do now?” Sam asked, before Dean had the chance to answer the first question. Dean’s eyes got big, while an innocent and helpless mask hit his face. 

“I have no idea,” he answered. He really didn’t have any idea about what his future would contain. 

“What about Cas? Will you see him again?” asked Sam, and brought an idea to Dean’s mind. Dean jumped up from the couch, where they all had been sitting, opening presents. 

“I have to call him,” Dean said before he left Sam and Jess alone. 

He realized while searching through his phones archive that he didn’t have Castiels number, but he did know where his brother, Luke, was imprisoned. It was about an hour away from Sam and Jess’s apartment. Hopefully, in the spirit of Christmas, Luke could help Dean.


	12. Time Is Not On My Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess there's angst in this one (?)  
> I chose to do another ending than I had originally planned on doing, so I hope you like this one!
> 
> Last chapter is hopefully up tommorrow or by the end of this week :))
> 
> Please, tell me your reaction to this chapter, as it was maybe the longest I've written in this story. Also, it's one of the first times I'm doing angst and I want to know if I actually made you feel something or if it sucked aha :P
> 
> And, thank you to all who already have left comments - as always it warms my heart to read what you think <3

Dean rushed out to his car, followed by Sam and Jess. They both asked a bunch of question where to Dean never gave an answer. When he sat behind the steering wheel, he looked up at his brother through the opened window. Sam’s eyes was big and concerned, even though some curiosity and excitement shined through that mask. 

“I’ll call you,” Dean said before he pulled out of the driveway, determined to see Cas at least one more time. He had to tell Castiel what had happened. Maybe it wouldn’t mean much to Cas, but Dean thought that maybe if he stayed in California for a while he could hang out with Cas some more. And hopefully, Cas would like that idea. 

The prison was an hour away, but because Dean had been driving a little too fast he got there in forty-five minutes. It was only at this point Dean realized how stupidly awkward this situation would be. Dean was just about to visit Cas’ brother Luke – who’s in prison by the way – just to ask for his brothers number. Luke would think Dean was insane or a stalker. Probably both. But, even though all these thoughts flew through Dean’s head while he sat in his car, parked outside the prison, he still had some courage left. It felt like Castiel had given him some. And, when Dean looked over at the spot where Cas used to sit, his chest got filled with courage, making him unable to see what little of doubt he had left. With a straight back and an erect posture, he made his way to the entrance.

As guessed, Luke wasn’t much for talking at first. Dean tried to be nice and polite, but nothing worked. Instead, Luke laughed him in the face for driving all this way only to get a number.

“Listen pal, I really don’t wanna waste that much time in here, so why don’t you just give me his number and I’ll be on my way,” Dean suggested, getting more and more passive aggressive. Again, all he earned was a laugh.

“I have to admit. I like you. But, I won’t give you his number. Not yet” Dean sighed.

“When then?” He rolled his eyes when all Luke did was shrug. 

“Okay, you have to tell me a thing first” Luke said, with excitement in his voice. Dean rolled his eyes once more, but kept listening. “Are you a bottom or a top?” Dean looked at Luke with surprise and disgust. “What? I wanna know what my brother’s into” Luke explained, pretending he hadn’t just wandered all over Deans private life. 

“Okay, I’m done” Dean was just about to leave, when Luke said; “Wait, wait! I was just messing with you. I’ve got his number, do you have a pen?” 

Finally, after almost an hour in there, Dean got what he came for. He was quickly back outside, where his whole body finally got rid of all the goosebumps. He sat down on the leather seat and just enjoyed the feeling and smell of his car. After only an hour in there, he had started to appreciate all the things he had. When he found himself back on the road with no clue of where to go next, he fished his phone out of his pocket. With one eye on the road and another on the phone, he got Castiel’s number written on the screen. It only rang once before a well-known voice said “Hello?”

Dean smiled without noticing, when he heard Cas’ voice. “Hey Cas. It’s me”. There was a long pause before Cas answered.

“Dean?” he asked, sounding happily surprised. 

“Yeah! It’s me Cas” Dean couldn’t believe how proud he felt. Just to hear Castiel’s voice was amazing, but when he caused such a reaction, he couldn’t help but get butterflies in his stomach. 

“How’d you get my number?” 

“Uhmm…” Dean was unsure of whether he should tell Cas that he went all the way to Luke’s prison, or if he should improvise. He decided on the first. “I got it from Luke”.

“Wait… my brother Luke? You went to Luke’s prison?” Okay, Dean should’ve definitely had chosen the last option. “I hope he didn’t scare you away”. Dean laughed nervously. 

“No, of course not” he lied and hoped Cas couldn’t hear it in his voice. “Listen, I actually called to tell you something,” Dean said, trying to change the subject, even though it wasn’t as smooth as he’d hoped. When Cas said nothing, he took the silence as his cue and continued. 

“I quit my job today” A gasp was heard from the other side of the line.

“Are you serious? Did you actually do it or are you just screwing with me?” Cas seemed much more upset about it than Sam and Jess had been. 

“No, no, no, Cas. It’s not a joke. I did it this morning”

“What made you change your mind?” Cas asked, still sounding too surprised. Dean thought about why he actually had quit his job. He had told himself back at Sam’s apartment, that he did it for his family but when he really thought about it, it was because of Cas. Castiel was the one who had showed Dean the road back to his family. Cas had showed Dean how much he would miss out on if he kept going his own way and didn’t made sure to take a look at his family once in a while. That’s also why his answer was;

“You”. More silence filled Dean’s ear. 

“What do you plan on doing next?” Cas asked, changing the subject. He didn’t know how to respond, because no one had ever done such a thing because of him. And, he didn’t know if Dean was accusing him for making him do it, or if Dean was grateful. But, no matter what, Castiel hoped that Dean would stay in Cali just a little longer.

“I’m actually planning on maybe staying a week or so more here in Cali. Before I go back and pack down my apartment” 

“You’re packing down your apartment? Why?” Castiel’s heartrate started picking up speed. 

“Well, since my job in New York is gone, I might as well move all of my stuff elsewhere. Start over, you know. Maybe here in California – close to Sam”

“That sounds like a great idea to me,” confessed Castiel, making Dean smile. 

“Listen Cas, I’m sorry about the way we parted. I hope you still want to see me as a friend?” Dean said. His cheeks started to collect some color since he wasn’t used to being so openhearted with people. But, no matter what he just wanted to let Cas know how much he appreciated him. 

“Yeah Dean, of course. I’m also sorry, I should’ve manned up and talked to you, but I’m not that good with words” Dean’s cheeks got even more red when Cas confessed such a thing to him. 

“Guess that makes two of us” Dean almost whispered, earning a small laugh from Cas. 

“It’s a shame you missed out on Christmas Eve. Sam and Jess decorated the whole apartment – it was really nice” Another small chuckle came from Cas, before he sighed.

“Yeah, that would’ve been pleasant. You know what. Maybe, it could be us inviting them over for Christmas next year?” Dean almost crashed the car out of pure shock. His heart pounded in his chest and he liked where this conversation were going. 

“That sounds like a plan” He answered. It was as if Dean could almost taste the longing feeling, this phone call caused. He really just wanted to be in Cas’ arms right now. 

“Cas, I know that I’ve been a jerk for over half of the drive to Cali, and I am forever thankful for how joyful and fun you made the ride. I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything at all, but I just feel like I need to get this of my chest…” Dean took a deep breath, collecting courage for what he was about to say.

“Yes?” Cas asked, trying to lead on what Dean was about to say.

“I really think that you’re the one… And I lo…-“ 

Dean looked down at his phone, which started beeping annoyingly. Like, he had just been hit with the worst of luck the call was cut short. 

He was nervous and his fingers shook a bit from the adrenalin his heart pumped into his veins, but he managed to get Cas’ number up on his screen once again. The phone rang once, but this time it didn’t stop because Castiel answered the call. Dean’s phone stopped ringing because Dean had been so busy with his and Castiel’s conversation that he hadn’t noticed the traffic lights right in front of him. The light on his side was red and he drove the Impala right in front of big truck.


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter - and it was very weird(?) to write...  
> I've never been that great with endings and as the creator of this work I've started to feel attached to the characters, so yes it was very weird to have to say goodbye. 
> 
> I have to say that it was also very hard for me writing this, since this has been an amazing journey and I couldn't be more happier.   
> You guys have been so sweet on me and I just want to thank all of you for all the great comments and all the kudos and what not - as I've said before; it really warms my heart! <3 
> 
> Please enjoy this last chapter, and let me know what you think in the comments below :))
> 
> P.s. Big announcement in the notes at the end - I have some very exiting news I want to talk to you about, so if you're interested, I'd advise you to read those too.

It was too bright in here. Way too bright. The walls were painted white but still they carried ugly yellow stains. The room smelled like rubbing alcohol and sickness at the same time. The only sound filling out the room was the beeping from one of the monitors. Cas couldn’t bear to look at Dean for too long at a time. Dean’s face was all scratched up, his arms and hands was covered in bruises and Cas did not want to think about the rest of Dean’s body. Sam and Jess was sitting on the opposite side of Dean. At least they were able to look out at the world, through the window Castiel sat in front of. Cas was forced to either look at Sam and Jess or Dean and he didn’t like either of those choices. None of them said anything.

They were all called down at the hospital as soon as Dean had arrived at the hospital. The doctor had told them that if Dean survived the operation there would be a great chance that he would wake up again. But still the thoughts of Dean never waking up weighed down on the three persons sitting in the room. After what seemed forever, a doctor finally opened the door and walked in to the room. He wore a serious mask. 

“Hi. I’m Noah Arkenfield, and I’m Dean’s doctor” He shook all their hands but got no answers, only worried looks. He turned over some pages in the journal he was holding before he looked up. 

“It seems that Dean suffered a more severe case of trauma to the head than we expected. We ran some tests to see how much damage was made” he looked down again. Then he finally landed on the page he wanted to see, and looked up. First at Sam, then over to Jess and as the last one at Cas. Castiel didn’t want to admit it, but he could see it all from the expression on the doctors face. Dean wasn’t going to wake up. 

“I am very sorry, but there is nothing more we can do. I’ll let you have some time to adjust, and when you’re ready I’d like to talk to you about what you want us to do next” The doctor slowly backed out from the room and closed the door behind him, and with that gesture made the whole room dead silent. It felt as if he had dropped and a-bomb in there and this was the aftermath; no life at all. No one said a word. Even Castiel’s breathing had stopped and he first noticed when he took a big gasp of air. His eyes were locked at Dean. 

How stupid was it, that Dean had only been one second away from declaring his love for Cas. And, Cas would never get the chance to tell Dean how much he loved him too. He would never be able to see those green eyes again, or feel his soft palm run over his cheek. He would never feel those plump pink lips against his own and it felt like his heart was going to explode. A lump was stuck in his throat and no matter how much he hawed, it wouldn’t go away. Instead, tears started to gather in the corner of his eyes and he thought he could hear his own heart beating. 

Though, when Sam broke down and started to sob loudly in to the arms of Jess, Cas could finally be distracted from his own thoughts. Jess was also crying. She tried to shush at Sam and tell him that he had to be quiet. People could hear him. But it didn’t help. All Sam could do was keep repeating himself. He kept mumble about how much he had missed Dean, and how they were finally starting to become brothers again, and how Dean didn’t deserve any of this. 

With tears streaming down her face and ruined makeup, Jess got Sam out of the room. She thought that maybe this could calm Sam down a bit. 

Castiel stayed in his place though. He tried to comprehend what had just happened, and it seemed that the sight of Sam had cleared his own thoughts. Castiel had to stay strong. Strong and focused. He wouldn’t give up this easily –he had to believe that Dean would wake up. If he didn’t then who would? Dean needed this; he needed someone who believed in him. 

Cas got up from the chair and took a step towards Dean. With awe and carefulness, Cas grabbed Dean’s hand and held it tight. He rubbed his thumb against Dean’s skin, and looked at his fingers. His eyes followed the traces of Dean’s veins underneath his skin, along his arm up to where the sleeve started. His eyes continued up to Dean’s face; he looked so peaceful. Castiel hoped that wherever Dean was right now, he felt safe and happy. Castiel laid his other hand against Dean’s cheek, where he felt some stubbles against his palm. Cas placed his lips outside Dean’s ear and prayed that Dean would hear this. 

“Wake up when you can. Take what time you need, just wake up again okay? I will always be right here, waiting. And Dean, I love you too”

Castiel couldn’t find much else to say, so instead he placed a small kiss on Dean’s lips, before he straightened his back. He took a deep breath before he took his trench coat in his arms, and with one last glance left the room. Sam and Jess were probably waiting for him, so they could talk about what should happen next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, last chapter is always the worst one aha...
> 
> I've been thinking about maybe making a sequel to this story (I've even thought about making it into a triology.. But I just wanted to hear what you guys think).  
> Should the story just end here - like, do you think it would ruin the story if I wrote some more to it?   
> Or would you like me to continue on this story and maybe make it in to a triology (I have to admit I already have a lot of ideas running around, but I just don't want to ruin the story aha)
> 
> Please tell me what you think - thank you! <3


	14. Author's Note

So, I just wanted to tell you, that I've decided (with the help from you guys) that a sequel is needed.

The only problem is, that school has started again and since I'm home at five pm everyday plus I do acting in a theater club twice a week, I don't have that much time...  
I really hope that this is okay, and please know that I'm the doing the very best at getting all of the stuff that I've planned done.

But, as a small spoiler I can say, that I alreay have a TON of ideas going around in my head (Which again slows down the process 'cause I don't know how to finish this story yet) - I really have to decide, and the bad thing is I want to write all of the ideas I have... Ugh ':))

So, please be patient with me, and I will let you know when I upload the first chapter <3

 

 

P.s. SPOILER:

I can already say now, that I know the sequel is going to be called "Waves of Willow"!!!

EDIT:  
Some of you may have noticed it, but some things have changed here. First of all I've added this story to the series: "Azure Boy" as part 1.  
The next part (Part 2) is going to be called "Waves of Willow".

And I've made a trailer for this series!! How exiting (even though it's crap.. But I'm still proud - just trying and learning all the time :P)  
This link will take you to the trailer: https://youtu.be/QdVKZBssc_U


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